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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Brown woman facing away from camera. Profile of her face and crying.
Syrita. Victim of Police Officer Daniel Holzclaw (photo from bbc.com)
Enough. (Trigger warning for survivors of sexual assault. This is a lot to take in. Love, MelaniN.)
We talk about gun violence, police brutality, racism on campus, classism...we are covering a lot yet remain silent about sexual assault. If you are not talking about sexual assault/support for survivors you don't know the women in your life. PERIOD. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM.
If you are not asking about sexual assault or ACTIVELY concerned, you don't know the women in your life. You might not know your mother, your daughter, your sister, your friends, your lover or your wife. If u dismiss sexual assault or are silent about molestation/rape/incest etc., then YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. YOU KNOW OF THEM.
& you probably don't know some of the men in ur life. Actually...because of how men are so sexualized at an early age- u might not know yourself.
Sad thing is that only a case this egregious would make it to trial. Not one of these women could make this case alone. ‪#‎WeAllWeGot‬ As horrible as the ‪#‎DanielHolzclaw‬ case is - impacting so many lives in one city, it is still not being covered by the media.
Truth is cases of our mothers, daughters, sisters, lovers, friends, wives are not being covered by their own families and friends. Often, they are not told or not listened to.
This is not just Oklahoma. This is in our homes and on our block. & support to assist in the healing is needed. We all deal with sexual assault. Even if you are not a victim, chances are you know a few. If you know 5 women, 2 are probably survivors.Think of women close to u. Have u asked them if they were ever sexually assaulted? I'm not saying to ask them. Just asking have u asked?
68% of survivors don't report. 98% of rapist are not convicted. Consider this b4 saying why didn't they tell.
If u know women, you know a few survivors of sexual assault. You may think you don't but you do. You may know a lot of survivors. If you know me - you know 1 survivor & I didn't report and I am not alone.
Let that sink in...
Sometimes, I look at how that impacted me & I'm just happy to be here. Focused, intentional healing was/is the best gift I gave/give to myself. That being said, no matter what it looks like from the outside, I get up every morning and do battle with my demons and sometimes we battle it out through the night. It used to seem impossible to manage. Therapy, support, art, service, diet, exercise, meditation make it easier to win. 
Listen, with social media and the constant sharing of stories, day to day living can be a land mind for a survivor. If you or someone you know needs support in their recovery from sexual trauma, please provide them with the number to the National Sexual Assault Hotline - 800 656 4673. 
If you or someone u know are in Baltimore/Maryland & need support, I suggest contacting Turn Around.  http://ow.ly/V0S7q
I was going to post the article about Holtzclaw but, that's all over the place. What is not everywhere is support for survivors. Let's stop talking about the trauma without offering some tools for healing. 
If you want to ask me about what I do to support my healing, feel free. Keep in mind that I am not a trained therapist. I am not professionally trained to help you through your story and/or trauma. However, I can share some resources that have helped me TREMENDOUSLY.
If you want to support survivors, start at home. Look into ways to create a safe house and neighborhood. This is beyond Oklahoma, The Duggers, Cosby, the rhetoric of those who victim blame and shame...this is in our families. People we know and love are suffering because of sexual assault. We have to be more healing focused. 
Start to listen to the women (and men) in your life. Listen to their stories. If the time is right, ask them if they have endured a sexual assault or know someone who has. After a while, it will become clear that we are facing an epidemic of epic proportions. We have to focus on healing and supporting survivors and providing resources to their families and communities. This issue needs to be pushed to the front and discussed along with police brutality, racism, classism. We can multi-task. We always have. We can now.

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